700+ Dark Humor Jokes You Probably Shouldn’t Laugh At

Dark humor walks a fine line between offensive and hilarious — and that’s exactly why it hits so hard. It pokes at taboo topics, makes us squirm, and still somehow manages to pull a laugh from deep within our guilty conscience. It’s the kind of humor that makes you look around before laughing… but laugh you will.

From morbid one-liners to edgy observations, dark jokes are unapologetically brutally honest, and oddly cathartic. They’re not for the faint of heart — but if you’re reading this, chances are your heart is already pretty twisted (in a good way, of course).

This post collects 100 of the best dark humor jokes that toe the line and kick it down. So buckle up, hide your halo, and dive into a collection of jokes you’ll feel just a little guilty for enjoying.

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💀 Morbid One-Liners

1. My grief counselor died. But he was so good, I didn’t care.
2. Why don’t graveyards ever get overcrowded? People are dying to get in.
3. I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was a kid.
4. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
5. I’m great at multitasking—I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
6. I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
7. My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
8. I’m not saying your perfume is too strong. I’m just saying the canary was alive before you walked in.
9. I like my coffee like I like my soul: dark and bitter.
10. I’m not suicidal. I just can’t wait to die from natural causes.

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⚰️ Death & Dying Jokes

1. I want my funeral to be a surprise party… for everyone else.
2. Death is the ultimate unsubscribe button.
3. My tombstone will read: “BRB.”
4. People say you can’t take anything with you when you die. Clearly, they’ve never seen a U-Haul behind a hearse.
5. I tried to play hide-and-seek in a cemetery. I won.
6. I asked my friend how he wanted to die. He said, “Alone.” I said, “Dude, same.”
7. Some people fear dying alone. I fear dying surrounded by people who want to say nice things too late.
8. My friend said he’d die for me. I said, “Cool. Tuesday work for you?”
9. Why did the ghost get kicked out of the party? He wouldn’t stop talking about the afterlife.
10. I don’t fear death—I fear my browser history being discovered afterward.

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🧠 Mental Health Mayhem

1. I told my psychiatrist I have suicidal thoughts. He charged me double.
2. I have anxiety. That means I care… too much… about imaginary problems.
3. I finally got help for my split personality. We’re doing great.
4. Depression runs in my family. Mostly because we’re too lazy to walk.
5. I don’t need therapy. I need a nap. Forever.
6. Why do I talk to myself? Because I need expert advice.
7. My mood swings have their own zip code.
8. I asked for a stress ball. They gave me a mirror.
9. I smile in photos so no one knows I’m dead inside.
10. My anxiety and I have a love-hate relationship. Mostly hate.

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🧟‍♂️ Zombies, Ghosts & the Undead

1. Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.
2. I’d haunt people after death… but I already do that emotionally while alive.
3. My ex said she’d come back to haunt me. Joke’s on her—I’m already haunted.
4. Ghosts have great social lives. They’re always being talked to at 3 a.m.
5. I downloaded a spirit detector app. It just showed my reflection.
6. If I become a zombie, I’ll still be less brain-dead than most influencers.
7. Why did the ghost break up with the skeleton? No body to love.
8. I asked Siri if ghosts are real. Now my phone won’t stop screaming.
9. I told a zombie I had no brains. He said, “Fair enough.”
10. I’m not afraid of the dark—I’m afraid of what laughs with me in it.

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👶 Dark Family Humor

1. My family tree is a cactus. Full of pricks.
2. I told my mom I wanted to be adopted. She said, “That’s fair.”
3. I was an unplanned pregnancy… twice.
4. My dad said I’d never amount to anything. Jokes on him, I became a disappointment.
5. When I was born, the doctor slapped my mom.
6. I asked my parents if I was adopted. They said, “Not yet.”
7. I told my sibling I loved them. They asked what I broke.
8. My parents took me camping once. It was during a thunderstorm.
9. My mom always said, “You weren’t a mistake. Just a surprise.”
10. My family is like a sitcom—dark, dysfunctional, and no laugh track.

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🏥 Hospitals & Illness

1. I don’t trust doctors. I Googled my symptoms, and now I have six minutes to live.
2. My checkup went well. The doctor only screamed once.
3. I have a rare disease. It’s called “bad luck.”
4. I asked my doctor for a second opinion. He said, “You’re still ugly.”
5. My hospital room has a loyalty card now.
6. I don’t get sick often—but when I do, I go viral.
7. The nurse said, “Take these twice a day.” I said, “Can I take them all now and get it over with?”
8. I asked for painkillers. They gave me the hospital bill.
9. My surgeon played music during surgery. It was Staying Alive.
10. If laughter is the best medicine, then dark humor is the injection.

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🚫 Offensive but Honest

1. I hate funerals. Everyone cries except the one who caused all the drama.
2. I’d never joke about sensitive topics. Unless they’re really funny.
3. I have a dark sense of humor. My shadow laughed.
4. I told my boss I wanted a raise or I’d haunt him. I got fired.
5. I made a joke about the apocalypse. Nobody laughed. Yet.
6. I keep all my dark jokes in the attic—next to my feelings.
7. I’m not racist—I hate everyone equally.
8. I don’t discriminate. I make fun of everyone.
9. I make fun of the dead because they can’t sue me.
10. Life’s a joke. Death’s the punchline.

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🪦 Existential Crisis Jokes

1. I was born to make a difference. I just forgot how.
2. Life is short. So is my patience.
3. I wake up each day wondering what day it is and why I exist.
4. I don’t fear the void. I text it “hey” at 3 a.m.
5. I tried to find myself… but I was already missing.
6. I once had goals. Then I discovered Netflix.
7. I asked the universe for a sign. It sent me a parking ticket.
8. Life has no meaning. But at least I have Wi-Fi.
9. I looked in the mirror and saw disappointment staring back.
10. I used to have ambition. Now I just have snacks.

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🧨 Explosive Dark Jokes

1. I bring people together—usually in group therapy.
2. I burn bridges with style and a flamethrower.
3. I’m not toxic. I’m just dangerously funny.
4. I once gave a toast at a wedding. The marriage lasted a week.
5. I’m not heartless—I just save energy.
6. I have friends. They’re just imaginary… and judgmental.
7. I roast people because therapy is expensive.
8. I say what others are afraid to tweet.
9. I don’t burn out—I explode quietly.
10. I love surprises. Like betrayal.

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😈 Final Thought

If you made it this far, congratulations—you have an elite sense of humor that laughs in the face of darkness. Dark jokes may not be for everyone, but they offer a sharp lens into life’s messiest truths. Sometimes, laughing at the morbid is how we cope, how we connect, and how we survive.

Remember, humor isn’t always pretty—it’s raw, real, and often wrong in the most right way. Share a laugh, start a conversation, and don’t be afraid to walk that comedic tightrope.

Because at the end of the day, if we can’t laugh at the dark… what’s even the point of the light?